Showing up, the make believe version

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It made me cringe whenever I saw people talking about “showing up”, “showing up right”, “just showing up every day”, etc.

The defeatist in me would say, “Why would I? I don't have anything valuable to say.” Or, “It’s easy for you to say, but not for me,” and loads more.

Oh, the negativity. It sounds bad, I know. A bit of exaggeration, but I do feel that tiny “ugh” sometimes. Especially on the not-so-good days.

Just a disclaimer, I’m doing just fine. I’m not in deep depression, or having a midlife thingy or whatsoever. I’m enjoying my time with the new job. Life is good.

Where was I?

Oh, the showing up thing. Rightt…

…

Me peeking through / Petaling Street / January 2022

So every time I feel like a loser, or maybe it’s just me overthinking stuff, I would put those thoughts on my Notion’s Leif’s Bug Report page.

It’s like the usual Bug Report page, but for my brain.

So I would:

Create a “ticket” and submit it.

Forget about it,

Binge-watch on Netflix.

On the next day,

if I feel better, I’d probably forget about it and business-as-usual
if I still feel terrible, I’ll open that “ticket” and try to “fix” it.

If attempt failed, repeat from 3

To solve “Bug ReportId 3645: Fk Showing Up”, here’s what I did. (OK, I just made up the ID thing. Me trying to be funny. Heuheuheu.)

I’ve made a “make believe” that it’s a misconception (it can be true in general).

I made myself say, “Oh. Showing up is not that bad. It doesn’t mean I need to tweet or post anything smart. It can be just an action. Like a new habit, doing deep work for 2 hours every day, or daily journal, walking instead of running, etc.”

So, no more pressure. I don’t have to take myself too seriously.

I can now focus on important things.

…

What focus? What do you mean by “important things”?

[Opens Bug Report page]

[Submits new ticket]

[Binge-watch Netflix]